Mother to mother-in-law – Daily schedules
“A mother gives you a life, a mother-in-law gives you her life. »? Amit Kalantri (The Richness of Words)
There is nothing more precious in the world than the child carried by a mother. The day when mothers hold the bundle of joy in their arms, it is the day when all the riches of this world turn to sand. Nothing pleases them more than the smile on their baby’s face and nothing hurts them more than the slightest scratch on their body. This bond is unique and no other relationship can be equated with that between a mother and her child. A mother can do anything to make the life of her child more comfortable and hassle free. She stays awake so that her darling can sleep peacefully, she is starving but fills her child’s womb, she encounters difficulties but zealously protects her offspring from the onslaught of any danger.
That said, the truth is, maternal feelings aren’t limited to a birth mother. Many women may never have given birth, and do not have the ability to do so, but they are endowed with an abundant maternal instinct that enables them to care for other children, sometimes more effectively. These are the mothers-in-law, the foster mothers, the mothers-in-law. They achieve this status due to changed relationships and are forced by the circumstances to take on a new role – a role that requires a lot of sacrifice, a lot of care and most of all, tremendous love, care and tenderness. These qualities give women a higher spiritual status, raising their esteem to unfathomable heights.
In human societies around the world, mothers-in-law are generally demonized just like mothers-in-law. There are of course real reasons because not all women are lucky enough to be gifted with maternal emotions. These females oscillate between two extremes. On the one hand, their hearts boil with love for their children while, on the other, evil foams for others. There are countless examples of cruelty, physical and psychological abuse, violation of rights, mistrust and even murder in cases where women are placed in a position to care for the children of others, be it as a mother-in-law, mother-in-law or even as an employer. . Indeed, a maximum of cases of abuse are reported when young children are employed as domestic help. Their female employers, who can also be mothers in their own way, can be very outrageous to them, which tends to paint the ugly face of women.
As long as men skillfully manage relationship sensitivities, women won’t earn a bad rap.
Then there are countless examples of daughters-in-law who experience brutality from their in-laws, especially their husband’s mother. In our society, some smart women enthusiastically marry their sons to young and beautiful daughters from well-off families while waiting for a huge dowry, good relations, and an attractive daughter-in-law to show off but who do not realize it as soon as possible. when the honeymoon period was over, she would be subjected to an unimaginable nightmare life. It can also lead to divisions between husband and wife and even worse, misunderstandings of character, all of which are prompted to exert a hold over the lives of others and / or to control incoming income and deprive daughters-in-law of pleasure or money. a satisfied domestic life.
Such incidents discredit women in general and mothers in particular. The actions of a few mean women have cast a bad reputation, so much so that the mere mention of stepmothers and stepmothers invokes all kinds of negativity, along with nasty jokes and quotes. What a pity! Simple observations reveal that women take revenge for their misfortune by inflicting harm on other women.
Another extreme are the loving and caring women who are willing to go above and beyond to please their sons-in-law and daughters-in-law. In their haste, they sometimes abuse certain things in terms of money and services. This means that if they have dedicated children their efforts would be appreciated, but if they end up with insolent children there is a chance that they will become victims which makes their lives miserable.
Both extremes are painful, but luckily today’s woman has learned to find a balance in her relationships. The educated and enlightened are now adopting a middle path where mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law give each other ample space, creating breathing space and allowing their sons and husbands to lead peaceful lives. This type of awareness comes from the understanding that today’s daughter is tomorrow’s mother and later a in-laws. The main contributing factor is that women today aspire to become economically independent, which gives them sufficient autonomy and a sense of security. This not only prevents them from engaging in petty politics, but also allows them to think positively.
Ultimately, it is important to perceive that the best mothers are those who raise their sons in a way that teaches them to have cordial relationships with their blood parents and in-laws in addition to respecting women who also include their wives. As long as men skillfully deal with the sensitivities of relationships, women will not earn a bad reputation, and as a result, when they pass from mother to mother-in-law, the transformation will be smooth and gentle. After all, kissing a stranger as a mother is as difficult as it is for a mother to accept someone else’s child as her own. However, if the doors of love and empathy are opened wide, life becomes much easier than one might imagine.
The author is a lawyer, author, adjunct faculty (LUMS), advisory board member and senior visiting scholar (Pakistan Institute of Development Economics).